Saturday

Strategic Hairball Hork Up - A Tale of Kitty Revenge

Dear Girl Kitty,
You know I love you, right? So why is it you chose to hork up that lovely hairball right where I step off my bed in the morning?  Is that my punishment for my complaining online that you're too fat and lazy to clean your butt or punishment that we bathed your dirty butt the other night? I do hear tell that that the act of bathing a cat demands retaliation so I'm guessing I got what I deserved. I guess the plus side of the hair ball is that you must've been washing something, right?

Thursday

Who Licked the Butter?

You stare at me, all innocent-like.... but you and me --- we both know that you licked the butter. The girl kitty is too fat to jump on the counter and it's full of tongue marks.

The Rug is Not Kitty Toilet Paper

Dear Boy Kitty,
I appreciate that you want a clean bum. Thank you. I know your sister cat (aka: SmelllllyCat, aka: Fatty Fatty FatCat) doesn't feel the same way as evidenced by her need to show me while I was eating yesterday....

But I need to tell you...in case you might care...the lightest coloured rug in the house is not toilet paper. Funny how you always wait until I walk by to show me how good you are at sliding your kitty bum so thoroughly across it while looking me straight in the eye.

Wednesday

How Can I Buy You Stuff When You Keep Me from Work?

Ok, so you're oblivious to the fact that I need the computer in order to make a living. Or, you're not oblivious and you truly just don't care. I see that. Just don't get mad when I can't afford to buy you the brand name kitty kibble and the fancyschmancy litter with the blue crystals....

Tuesday

You Can't Reach Your Butt

Dear Girl Kitty... you're sweet and the most affectionate kitty I've ever met. But I really think you need to stop eating so much. You can no longer reach your bum to clean it and frankly.... it smells.

Only on the Clean Carpet

Of all the places in the house where you can yak it all up .... how typical it is of you to pick the nicest carpet in the house. You know, the one we steam cleaned last week?
Thanks very much, cat.